We don’t need to make excuses for ourselves…..nor for what we suspect or feel is the right thing for us. You don’t need to make excuses for why you march to a different drummer or why your karma is one color while your best friend is another. It’s okay to wear what makes you happy and others not so happy. It is their issue, not yours.
Be yourself. This is what I am actually telling myself. Over and over for all of the times I shrank back into myself afraid of how someone would actually react or feel or say or be in the wake of me gloriously free within myself. I am here to clean up this shite! Old stories, old hurts, old loves, old knowing, old mysteries…..all of them, a virtual horde of mysteries from other times that my sould not says ENOUGH! Let us now get this stuff straight! No more bullshit. What if the things that seem my weakness is what will make me the strongest? What if someone being so different is what makes them fabulous? I think about growing up with so many closeted gays…..closeted out of FEAR of being bullied, or worse, maimed or even killed. I think about the lynch mobs….all because people are different….I was walking to the tech center today between classes and thinking about how my male students are no longer afraid to be openly gay. I say “Hooray!!!” It makes me so happy my heart weeps. That we have reached a place where people feel safer then they have in a very long time to just BE themselves. What if BEING who you are has a sacred DIVINE purpose?
That is because it does.
So some do not understand nor relate to mine. They don’t have to. It really isn’t their job to. It is mine. The lifetimes of junk ends in this life….this I am clear. So I am sorry, I can’t go to your party or be a part of your golf game or polo team. I have stuff that is mine to work through. Selfish? You better believe it! Maybe for the first time in a while I do for me what me needs most. Lonely? It is. But I think my soul knew that. We are such social creatures….we really are. And when we awaken, the thing invisible lines of connection become so much more apparent, don’t they? The world resolves into this amazing thing turning in our heart and in the soul of the world….
Don’t make excuses for you. Love yourself. Cherish yourself. You have all the time in the world. People who are no longer available, well, were they really EVER available? The only person who can truly go the distance with you is you so being on good terms with that you is pretty big. Are you happy? Are you at peace? Are you learning what the universe is throwing your way? Would you like to swim more and talk less, hum more and read some books? Would you like to pick up a new hobby or read about bonobo’s in the wild or how it is that there are more neurons in your stomach than in the brain of a cat? There is so much to know and experience for no other reason than to have been here now in this time and place, which is itself utterly unique.
Enjoy the ride!